[postlink]http://laybtv.blogspot.com/2009/08/watch-darna-video-streaming.html[/postlink]
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.
"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.
"That is the talking clock", the man replied.
"How's it work?" the friend asked.
"Watch", the man said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.
Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall " KNOCK IT OFF YOU ASSHOLE!! It's two o'clock in the bloody morning!!!!"
A murderer is taking a little girl into the forest.
Little girl: "I'm scared!!"
Murderer: "How d'ya think I feel..I've gotta walk back on my own!"
Little girl: "I'm scared!!"
Murderer: "How d'ya think I feel..I've gotta walk back on my own!"
Simon Hannon
How do you tell the difference between cow shit and bull shit??
Throw it in the air and if it comes down it's cow shit but if it stays up it's bull shit!!
Throw it in the air and if it comes down it's cow shit but if it stays up it's bull shit!!
Q) Whats black and red and sits in a tree?
A) A Crow with a fat..
A) A Crow with a fat..
Q) How do you know that the female body was designed by the Board of Works?
A) Who else would put a playground near a sewage outlet?
A) Who else would put a playground near a sewage outlet?
Q) What do you call a brunette with bad breath?
A) An upside down blonde...
A) An upside down blonde...
Q) Whats got 2 legs, lots of hair, long ears and bleeds a lot?
A) Half a rabbit..
A) Half a rabbit..
Q) what do you call a prostitute with tattoos all over her?
A) a scenic root.
A) a scenic root.
Q) What does a cannibal do when he dumps his girlfriend?
A) Wipes his ass
A) Wipes his ass
Warwick Browne
A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his dick in a vice. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw.
The man, terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to.. to . . cut it off, are you???!?"
The husband said, with a gleam of revenge in his eye, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."
A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits.
Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavor than you could ever imagine.
"Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher.
Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their mouths, every one of the children was stumped.
"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time."
Instantly, one of the children spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and shouted, "Spit 'em out, you guys, they're assholes!"
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on his face and the egg is frowning and looking a tad put out. The egg mutters to no-one in particular "I guess that answers THAT question".
Mother: David, did you enjoy the farm excursion?
David: Yes it was great - we saw sheep, horses, goats, and fuckers.
Mother: Errr, fine, fine. I know what the sheep and the rest are, but what is a fucker?
David: Oh, they're the animals that give us milk.
Mother: But who said they were called, er, fuckers?
David: That was our teacher. Well actually she called them "effers", but we all knew what she meant.
There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania.
Suddenly the train went through a tunnel, and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap.
When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.
The Englishman was thinking: "The Irish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead."
Claudia Schiffer was thinking: "The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it."
And the Irishman was thinking: "This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that English bastard again!"
Q: Why are pubic hairs curly?
A: So they don't poke you in the eye.
A giant Nubian slave had fallen out of favour with Nero for some misdemeanour or other and was sentenced to die.
He was duly taken to the Colosseum and before a large crowd was led into the arena to await the relesae of a lion and presumably, a nasty death..
Upon the signal from Nero, the lion, a mean and hungry beast, was released and almost immediately sighted our poor slave and without much ado, the lion pounced. However, the Nubian was no slouch and with near lightning speed, punched the lion full on the chin, lifting it high off the ground and spreadeagling it onto the dusty Colosseum surface.
The crowd booed vociferously and Nero ordered the man to face another lion.
This time, before releasing the animal, they tied the Nubian's hands behind his back. The second lion was released and promptly flew at the slave who very deftly landed a sharp kick to the lion's underbelly knocking it unconscious against the walled perimeter of the arena.
The crowd, angry at being denied their usual blood and gore, booed more loudly than ever and Nero once more ordered a third lion into the attack.
This time, to make sure the slave met his fate, they tied his feet together and then trussed him in a kneeling position hand and foot. The lion was relaeased and after stalking his prey for a few seconds, pounced , but the Nubian was certainly no slouch and with a deft movement of his head, he butted the lion on it's forehead, knocking it senseless.
With that the crowd booed at an even greater pitch and a near apoplexic Nero, rose to his feet and cried, "play fair you black bastard".